Monday, July 27, 2009

Shadow


I wrote this a few weeks ago, before I got rather sick...but appreciated it even more when I did! Yes, I appreciate my own words, hah. Relatively short for me, but just some thoughts to think per usual =)

When we get sick, we tend to be a "shadow of ourselves", even involvement in the things we love becomes difficult when faced with our weakness.

We all know the expression "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". Well, I hate that expression! The feeling of being so pressured by lifes obligations and responsibilities that your body neglects its own needs. This is definitely one of the devils ploys, or should I say, a tool that he uses. He will try and break your spirit through your body. Perfect example is Job in the Bible. Satan was allowed to have his way with Gods precious servant, to try and destroy the unswerving faith Job had in God. So many times when people get sick they attribute it to various natural causes, rarely examining it for potential deeper spiritual connotations.

The devil hates Gods people to be moving forward. He will do everything in his limited power to push backwards the progress of building Gods Kingdom. What is our defense? Prayer is our most powerful, certain weapon against the ploys of satan. We can strive in ourselves, but nothing solid will be changed until we get on our faces before God. We need to cry out, then quiet our hearts to hear from Him. The devil delights in our failures, our sickness and our despair. He despises a fighting spirit, our determination to challenge the obstacles in our path. I believe God places certain tests and battles in our lives to strengthen us. This is a difficult concept to grasp amidst the struggles of life but with God on our side, who can be against us (Rom 8.31)

Spiritual maturity has nothing to do with age and everything to do with communication with our Lord. I have met children more passionate about reading their bible than people who have been saved for many more years. When we pray through the fire, just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, we will come out clean and fresh...refined by fire.

I encourage all of you going through times of difficulty - keep an open line to God. Hold onto His promise that He will NEVER leave or forsake you. When you don't see His footprints, He was carrying you. It may sound cliche or predictable, but it IS the truth. Sick and tired of being sick and tired? Talk to your Savior, hold onto His promises, resist the devil and he will flee from you!! This is not a fight against the authorities of this world, but the powers of spiritual darkness.

Guilty or Giving


My pastor preached on Acts, listening to the Holy Spirits voice and the devil's opposition to that. I am just listening to the sermon and can't find the part I wanted to expound on but I remember it (woah!). Came up with plently of other note idea's along the way, haha.

So, guilty or giving. Bad or busy. It just sounded better the former way. My pastor said "If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy." He has quoted this several times before, so nothing extremely new, but it sounded fresh to me. Actually, I agree so much with it, so it's fresh almost every time.

People can have a great relationship with Jesus (I will not say "the best" because that would be in heaven...), listen to the Holy Spirits voice, serve the needy and help the poor. These are all commendable, fantastic acts of service to our God! But, if there is a flaw, a weakness in us as humans, the devil will find it. If he cannot turn us to the dark side so to speak, he will make us busy. If we are giving giving giving, we spend less time receiving what God is trying to give us. We need to receive in order to give out of our abundance. If we have a dry well, how can others get living water? The devil will do his utmost to ensure we don't have time to think about that. On the side of being bad, his tactic is to fill us so much with guilt that we never even look for a light. There is only darkness, only a never-ending tunnel of condemnation. The devil LOVES us to be caught up in either of these webs. It delights him. How disgusting. We need to struggle against these things, to fight for something that will lift us out of these places. They may seem very different to you, but I really don't think so.

We can be so caught up in our "ministry" that we forget the WHO we are serving. Maybe this is something that is used by me just to support the fact I resent the demands society puts on people and the time they don't commit to what I value as important and vital to life before eternity (say that 3 times fast!) ... but, I truly think it's important, so I'm going to write about it!

I understand the importance of ministry, but when it overides the main desire of Jesus for our lives, I think it's a case of "good intentions pave the road to hell". Firstly, He wants to have a relationship with us. I'm not saying that is non-existant or disappears when we are too wrapped in ministry, but the light would surely be dimmed. Our schedule should never take place of God's schedule. Hopefuly they would be aligned with each other. So, the first commandment is love the Lord your God with all your heart. That should be first priority, decider in everything, influencer on how we live our lives. Secondly, love your neighbour as yourself.

See, I struggle with people putting SERVING over PEOPLE. I don't know it that contradicts itself in your mind, or if they are synonomous to you, but they are different in my mind. When a person is too busy to even get a decent night sleep because they are up preparing for their next act of service .. I can hear you now, we can sleep when we're dead. Technically, that's not true :p I can also hear you saying, sacrifice of serving. Perhaps because I haven't personally been fully stretched to my limit of sacrifical serving, I don't realize the rewards. I just think it's not worth draining yourself over. Ah, this is just going to come out wrong, because obviously people don't INTEND to drain themselves, or WANT to drain themselves. I could happily minister to kids all day long, as I do really, but in an "outreach environment". I do give up things for people, I have been told far too much on occasion. Being generous isn't a sin, quite to the contrary, but it can have ill results.


Points...hmmm, I'm just trying to say that if you fill your life with SO MUCH, a completely full schedule to the brim (Be it study that will lead you to a vocation you love, a job you enjoy, ministry you feel called to) then it doesn't leave room for God to move. That is the essence of what I'm trying to say. I am definitely a person who likes to be free and flexible, so my opinion stems from the fact I'd rather be out having a deep and meaningful in the park with a friend than studying, even if it leads towards my future goals. That is so outrageous to say, but it's how I feel. Life is so very short, I've had close contact with that, so my thoughts of being busy are very opinionated. Not having time for someone...it just hurts okay, to realize how much that wasn't said. I don't like regrets, and yes, I'm thinking of my personal situation here. But it really brings the important things to light, and I believe that being far too busy to even meet new people, open doors of your heart to people due to the fact you cannot even sit down with yourself in quiet until you get into bed at night .. long sentence .. is not worth it. It is not living like God intended us to.

I realize people love their jobs, their ministry, their study. I think it becomes so routine, so typical, so expected, that there is no room for the new and unexpected. No room for fresh faces, no room for certain opportunities to reach out to people! PEOPLE, Jesus's heart. Their souls - He yearns for them. On the other hand, there are definite advantages to all the busy peoples lives, their opportunities are surely just as important. I just am viewing it from the other side.

If I was in a serious accident tomorrow, what would my accomplishments mean? If I had been too busy to talk to my real friends, where would I be? Does anyone get what I'm trying to say...of course we cannot stop our jobs, study, ministry. These are essential parts of our and other peoples lives! I just sometimes get such a strong emotion about the lack of time we have on this earth. If I was sitting immobilized in a hospital bed, not being able to go and minister, not being able to do this and teach that, and study that ... what then? Was my schedule REALLY that important, when my friend was going through a tough time? I've now got all day to sit there and listen.

Maybe this sounds ridiculous, maybe it won't make sense. But it's how it is. Maybe I'll delete it later, but we'll see how the feedback goes. I just value moments. When you're rushing around madly, trying to follow your lists, moments are very rare.

Smell the flowers .. I spend all day in the garden sometimes, so perhaps you will say this note shouldn't have been written by me. But that is your perogative, and this is my perspectival opinon.


Beautiful

I wrote this 668 days ago ... but wanted to share it on here anyway! :)

Hope you get to read some...kind of long with statistics, but they interested me.


I want to be beautiful


I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I
cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful


Bethany Dillon "Beautiful"

I think these verses are every girl's heart cry, at least sometime in their lives. We just want to feel beautiful, loved, appreciated for who we are, yet there is so much pressure to hide our true self. Makeup to cover up the flaws, clothes to reveal the body...comparison round every corner. And we wonder why the age of *sexual activity has lowered rapidly in the last few years?? More people **cut themselves now than ever "known of" in the past decade. ***Anorexia & Bulima has risen so high...and due to what?! It breaks my heart that society finds it "acceptable" for these things to go on, yet there will be huge political debates, family issues and social disputes about the very same issues. The things that are tearing todays generation apart, yet nowdays you are labelled "frigid" if you haven't been sexually active by 14-17.

Why must there be so much comparison? The media has urged the issue to the forefront - magazines, tv shows, movies, photoshopped images that make perfection and trying to attain that perfect body/face look like the ONLY ideal. The only way you can be sucessful - wear a mini skirt to impress the boss. There are perfectly qualified, beautiful women that exploit their own beauty without even considering it unusual. What children wear is an even more amazing "accepted" thing in todays society. People are no longer shocked to see a 5 year old walking around wearing a halter neck, mini skirt, high boots & makeup. "She wants to be just like mummy" is the popular phrase when faced with the image the child portrays. It may sound innocent, but the truth is far from it.

What a long way we have come from the days of ankle length dresses & overcoats! Change of the times it may be, but morally uplifting - certainly not.

My heart sometimes fills with the cry in the first chorus, yet I hold onto the promise in the second chorus - Jesus sees me as beautiful, He makes me feel worthy of love. Try however else you want to conform, stand out or make your own beauty guidelines, but you'll be hard pressed to find unconditional love and acceptance that goes past the shallow beauty and into your very soul. He created you - does not the creator have more pride, joy and love in his creation than anyone else ever could?

I just wanted to get this down...some thoughts for food, if you want to eat.

Before I go, just an exert from an article...

Common sense bears this out: in the last twenty-five years we have been inundated with sex education courses in schools, and the media has bombarded us with sex. Yet during this same period of time we have witnessed an unprecedented escalation of out-of-wedlock pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and abortions. Even if the former is not a cause of the latter, surely the former has not prevented the latter.

Clearly, the problem is not one of lack of information. The problem is the eradication of any framework of values in which to make decisions about sex. This is the real issue which the sex educators refuse to address.

Indeed, this is the major shortcoming of most sex education programs today. They treat children as animals, divorcing sexuality from the rest of personality. We simply throw up our hands and say, “kids will be kids”. But when it comes to other behaviours, we don’t give in so easily. We don’t say, “Well, kids will smoke cigarettes, whether we like it or not, so let’s teach them how to smoke safely.”

We need to remind our sexperts that sex education has to do with how boys and girls treat each other, or, rather, should treat each other and themselves. Sex education is therefore about character and the formation of character. A sex education course in which issues of right and wrong do not occupy center stage is evasive and irresponsible. Unfortunately, that is far too often the way we deal with sex ed in Australia. And that is just not good enough.
Bill Muehlenberg
*The majority of young people in Years 10 and 12 are sexually active in some way and this has increased over the last decade. The types of sexual activity reported include deep kissing (80%); genital touching (or being touched) (67%); and giving or receiving oral sex (45.5%). Vaginal intercourse was reported by approx-imately 25% of students in Year 10 and just over half of those in Year 12.

**Cutting:
-A national (UK) survey of children and adolescents carried out in the community found that 5% of boys and 8% of girls aged 13-15 said that they had, at some time, tried to harm, hurt or kill themselves.

A study carried out in schools found that 11% of girls and 3% of boys aged 15 and 16 anonymously reported they had harmed themselves in the previous year.

***From the Academy of Eating Disorders:
· Between 0.3-1 percent of young women have anorexia nervosa, which makes anorexia as common as autism
· Around 1-3 percent of young women have bulimia nervosa
· Around 3 percent of the population has binge eating disorder
· Many more suffer from some, but not all, of the symptoms of anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. Between 4 percent and 20 percent of young women practice unhealthy patterns of dieting, purging, and binge-eating.


A Year Ago Today...

Time.

So very surreal, yet real. Speeds by quickly, slowly strolls past. The pain, ebbs and flows. The tears crack our facade of normalcy. Time does not respect grief. It still passes. The sun still rises and sets. People laugh, people cry. People live, people die. It all goes on, never ending.

My dearest Shalisha, 16, was killed in a car accident a year ago today. Writing those words, hot tears bring no relief to the tightness in my throat, the inability to focus on what I am typing.
I went out to the place where she died today. The tree, the flowers, the friends... Words do not suffice. Death, it brings on emotions I did not think possible.

The year has gone by, yet my heart still aches. My tears still run hot. My days still have gaps from missing her phone calls. Her little messages, so random, so her. A few months go by, I tell myself that I have a life to live. But my heart rebels, and in the middle of the shopping centre, I start bawling my eyes out. Walking down the street, I see something, and my throat gets tight. I hear a song...my heart rises up until it feels like bursting out of my chest. These same things can bring laughter and fond memories on certain occasions. Grief does not respect time, place or situation. It does not hold the door open, nor offer you a seat. It walks in your house, it sits down and eats of your food. It pops up when you least expect. It refuses to be dignified, or polite. You can try and hide grief, but it always finds a way back, even just to peek in, remind you it's still there. Through God, and God alone, can grief be silenced. The comfort of the almighty saviour...only His grace has given me the strength to continue living without breaking apart, at times.

I miss you, my beautiful, encouraging, loving, shining friend ~ Shash. May your laughter fill the streets of heaven, your dancing be free and your heart be fulfilled in the presence of your beloved Jesus

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

I can only imagine what my eyes will see, when your face is before me...

I love you, forever.




Torn

Nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn
I'm torn


Perhaps this has different connotations for you, but it sums up how I feel right now, so that is it. Everything. Just all of it. The hate, the complaints, the pressure, the certainty I will never ever be the person I want to be. (My head knows that's a load of rubbish and these are emotionally charged words, but I am just speaking from the heart.) I am so exhausted of being anyone. I just want to go away, follow the yellow brick road and disappear forever. I do not want to be in this place I am now. So change. I do not want comments on this. I just need to vent. My heart is not in this. Do you not see? Do you not hear my heart SCREAMING so loudly? How can you not notice. HOW? Every time, it feels worse. My insides curl in pain from every barb, every single comment that tears past my defenses, but hides under the pretense of normalcy. It all hurts, you know. Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but it sticks around and just when I am feeling so on top of the world, it brings me crashing down. Without fail, I can take a breath and just like that, freeze. Time, it all falls away, I feel like I'm in a dream, but without sleeping. My thoughts scatter, I am adrift in an ocean of distorted hopes and dreams.

I just want to be wanted, just for once, for the person I desire to be. Not for the person you want me to be. Just for something more than a girl. More than a pretty face you dream of, or the shoulder you can cry on. I am dying inside trying to handle the hate, the pressure, from every side, it only gets worse. Each time, I pull inside that little bit more. I do not like walls, and I am crying, just to think of my life. How terrible is that. I'm so blessed, I have a home, a family, people that care about me, and all I can do is get upset over myself. My selfish selfish self. I just wanted to independant. I fought for that. I tried not to hurt people, but I wanted my own life. I needed to feel like I could do this. Like what I wanted was important. What I needed was to find my niche. I loved God, I try to still do so, I try to be someone He would be proud of, but I'm failing. This is not me, I realize that. But my tears are so strong when I think of how much opposition there is. How it does not matter which way I turn. I cannot escape. I just want simple life. I just want you. I just want me. I just want my Jesus. I just want my Shalisha. I just want to be in that place, of serenity, where I do not think of this. I do not dream of my dreams, I do not long to be loved and not hated. I want to be alone. I need your company.

You think you know me.
Sometimes I feel nothing.
Just peace in nature.
Love in children.
Yet, nothing.

Where do I go
Where do I stand
Where can I find myself again
Where do I go
If not disappear
Where do I go from here

Tracing
My steps right back to you
Racing
The clock to save an hour or two
And facing
The fact I don't feel a thing

I'm dealing
With what I can't control
Feeling
Confused cause I don't know if
Healing
Is when you don't feel a thing


And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go


My name is Christina Anne Evans - I hate who I have become, and how people feel about me.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been

Note of Potential Controversy

Hello my note-readers,

Your patience will be rewarded shortly .. and please, whatever high expectations you have of my "contraversial note", put them aside. I really don't want a big "hoo hah" about my note topics just because I've said it'll be contraversial .. =) I hate to disappoint! JMO - Just My Opinons :)
And, I just finished it .. the length is rather, erm, well, get-comfy-and-put-on-a-pot
-of-tea length?

Serving in the Body of Christ

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:10/11


Each of us should use our gifts to serve others. I’m in total agreement with that statement. Everyone has something to give, whether or not they think they do, and what good is a gift if not opened? That’s not really the subject I’ll be addressing today, just a sidenote.


Loyalty to God/The body of Christ/the church – how much of a priority are these things, and are they defined differently in your mind? In certain aspects I find them very different, and that’s partly what this note will be about! (Just to hint..keep reading)


Loyalty to God “should” be foremost in our minds, and definitely one of the highest priorities when it comes to our walk with Him. People pleasers only get so far, and no matter how hard we try, there is no way to make everyone happy. I think loyalty to God transcends loyalty to the body of Christ and the church, but we are the body of Christ and hence loyalty to ourselves and our fellow believers would most likely follow along with our loyalty to God. When I refer to the church, I do mean the organized place to gather and the responsibilities of serving that go along with the running of the services.


OK, I’m rather tired so in saying that, this may be longer than I expect, but I’ll just put out on the table what this note is essentially about. Please feel free to correct me if I err and say something completely ludacris or use words you’re unfamilar with ;)


Serving in the church - commiting to being on rosters, worship teams, Sunday School, ushering, communion, welcomers and the like. How commited is good, still living in the freedom God has given us? For example, I am sure God wants relationship with Him to be our number one commitment, definitely family after that, and friends following. In saying that, I understand if certain people don’t have family, priorities change. I don’t mean to make digs at anyone here or offend anyone, I’m simply just trying to express my opinion and questions in an open manner.


Believers do this though – place their commitments to church over anything or anyone else. Naturally we are all human, so to err is not unexpected, but to keep up the pretense of having our priorities straight, under the guise of “serving the best interests of God’s people” strongly disturbs me. We definitely should use our gifts in church – I’m all for that. I just think that there is a line, and I’m curious as to where that really is in other peoples minds. Personally, I’m a very freedom loving person. I will admit that that can be taken to too much of an extreme sometimes, but the actual concept that God desires for us to live a life of freedom in Him is taken very literally by me.


The serving “requirements” by leaders nowdays are absolutely full on. The majority of churches I have been to “require” their leaders to be at every meeting, attend youth group/young adults every week and be involved in most aspects of the church, where their gifting is sometimes, or where the need arises. Don’t get me wrong – God bless our leaders. We need godly people who are willing to step up and take on the responsibility for this generation and outreaching to the lost. My point is here, that I think so much of the demands on leaders are, not unrealistic, but quite simply, ridiculous. There have been instances I have experienced, and have heard about first hand, where people have been told to give up previous plans just to attend something because they are a “leader”. If a person has prior commitments to their family, friends or even just an event, how can you expect them to drop that for something such as, a prayer meeting of the leaders? Time and place, I understand. The thing is, where does that flexibility come in? Is there any? Leaders should be reliable and definitely involved in “leadership areas”, but the cost involved should not compromise their promises already made in other areas.

If there was prior notice for something leaders were required/asked to be at, but something was already booked in on your calender; what gives? I do not think “the church” has the power to make you change your plans for them. Example: A leader has been invited to their best friends 18th birthday party – a week after they get the invite and commit to going, a leaders retreat is announced, free of cost., leaders are “required” to go along and pray for one another, to start off the year. And, if you’re reading this going “required to go?! I’m quite sure you’d have an option”, don’t be so sure. I’ve seen it first hand how upset leaders become when other leaders refuse to comply with their responsibilities, and the so called “must do’s” of their position. Extreme example you may say. Where does the loyalty lie? To the friend, who has already been promised your attendance, or to the leaders retreat, which is quite possibly the more godly option. I’m not going to change the scenario to a family member’s wedding, because the way I see it, the prior commitment is the issue here – not what it consists of. Sure, a wedding/funeral may take precedence over a leaders retreat – some things are unavoidable or impossible to get out of. But where does the white end and the grey start?


Life is consistantly busy for most people in todays society, and Christians can be some of the busiest people around. Just using my own observations here, not boxing anyone in a certain way – being busy is global, not selective to beliefs or certain groups. If someone has gifts that they are willing to share with people, especially in an outreach way, then shouldn’t they be allowed to do so without feeling guilty? If someone commits to another church to help them out with an event, let’s say they need someone for lighting, and then their own church turns around and says, well, we have a music practice on that night, we need you for lighting…I think a person should have a strong foundation in their own church, so don’t get me wrong there. But when they make a personal decision, based on a genuine desire to use the gifts/talents God has placed in them, I believe they are right in God’s will. He didn’t give us gifts to share in our own little world and hide under a blanket until we pull them out in front of them, but not in other circles.


Leaders who abuse their position to make an event “work” or to “bring people together” but pull them away from keeping their promises and commitments in other areas are in serious danger of losing respect in peoples eyes. I don’t know if this is coming out right, and I’m scared it perhaps is not. But the way I view life is that God put us here to be witnesses to His great love, not our great leadership. He wants HIS light to shine, not OUR light. We’re put into positions to glorify Him and the gifts we have He wants us to share with everyone. Our word should be sacred, it should be our bond. When we commit to something, it has to be absolute. Commiting to become a leader in the first place definitely comes with its own set of responsibliies and requirements, but as the examples I’ve stated say, not at the cost of breaking your word.


I do believe unity is very very important. If it sounded like I was stating otherwise in this, I did not mean to. Leaders should definitely be a united front, raising people up and encouraging people to take all God has for them, and use all God has given to them for the blessing and saving of others. I do not on the other hand, think it in Gods desire for our lives, for leadership and the church to be made legalistic and all about the rules and requirements. If my friend had been badly hurt and was in hospital, I would not be attending the annual general leaders meeting. Even if my friend has just broken her leg and was alone, I would not attend. Now that could be just me in that respect. I just cannot see the God-likeness in sacrificing LIFE for RULES. We have such a short life, I know perhaps my commitment is lacking in certain areas, and I do struggle in this regard. Perhaps I’m too cynical, perhaps this note was just me letting off steam, but life is LIFE. We are put here to live it to the fullest, as much as we can. By living to the fullest in Gods eyes, that means reaching out to the lost people of our generation. A solid foundation is essential, but I cannot get past the fact that if you’re commited to “the church” and totally surrounded by fellow believers in a daily capacity, and not reaching out to others due to those commitments, instead creating the opportunities but not being the one taking those on, then how are you living life to the fullest??


My example is Jesus. But to my friends and people who refuse to accept that themselves, their example is me. My commitment to God should be 100%, my commitment to the body of Christ should be equal to that. Serving those things obviously connects to the church and the outreaches it produces, but if my friend asks me to give of my time for them, and I say I’m too busy with “my church responsibilities”, how do you think they’ll react? We are not meant to live as people pleasers, but we have a light to shine. One life to live, one God to love and serve the best we can with the unlimited resources He provides. My loyalty lies to God. His people are crying out to be heard, and so many of us neglect to take time out and actually listen. We pray for them, we raise money for witnessing to them, we plan events to encourage them to experience Gods love, but honestly, how often do we just LIVE with them?


I do NOT mean to encourage neglecting leaders responsiblities, and as I said, God bless our leaders. The times are only getting more desperate, and godly leaders rarer in todays society.
My personal opinons are quite strong on this matter. Perhaps they appear mixed up on here, please do tell me if that is the case. I don’t know if in person my words may come out more elequently, but I do hope this was not too perplexing or judgemental sounding. I just believe living daily life like God desires, delving into the opportunites God puts in our path is more important than abiding to the standards of a man made code – even when based on godly principles it can fall into the trap of legalistic routine. Not always mind you, but it very well can. That’s the side of it that I have the issue with.


This has been long..and I am wanting your honest opinions. This was written late at night, but that’s no excuse if I’ve come across as judgmental and proud. Please don’t hesitate to comment!

The Church

How do you define “the church” ? To certain believers in Jesus, this may appear to be a simple, rather easily defined matter. Personaly, I think countless people lose sight of the meaning behind the word “church” and what it implies. The following verses may be rarely quoted, but they’re just an example of what I think expresses what a church is.

1 Corinthians 16:18-20
The churches in the province of Asia send you greetings. Aquila and Priscilla greet you warmly in the Lord, and so does the church that meets at their house.


Colossians 1:23-25
Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.


Just a quick personal story for the sake of my note – I was driving with a friend from work the other day, and we passed a church I used to attend years ago. It was being demolished and something else was being built on the land. My friend is not a Christian and she wondered out loud whether God would strike people down for destroying the church. I actually surprised myself and said “the church is not a building, it’s made of the people”. I say surprised myself, because I don’t always react with the right words! She still seemed to think destroying a church building would hold serious reprecussions.

It just made me think of how many people honestly believe that. Don’t get me wrong when I say this, but plently of people in churches are so hung up about petty issues – someone graffiti’s on the church, it’s like a mortal sin, but if they graffitti a train, meh, that’s what happens. I don’t know if you understand I’m not mocking people who care about their church building, but the true value lies in the people. Not the building which we’ve chosen to use to worship God in on a Sunday, or to invite people to. It is definitely a tool God has given us, but as the above verse says “the church that meets at their house…” The “church” consists of people, who in that case, met at a house. The venue is quite irrelevant when people are believers in God and gather together in His name. The other verse says “for the sake of his body, which is the church”. You really cannot get more clear than that. The church is Christ’s body. A very important expression of His love and longing for more people to join Him in heaven. Well, the church could ideally be explained like that. Many people who have been hurt within a “church building enviroment” would disagree on those points.

People have lost sight of the real reason God wants us to meet together. Instead of unity, the topic is church development. Instead of outreach, the focus is on expanding the worship team. I go to a great church – and I’m sure plently of people do – so this is not meant to be a generalization of every church. But people outside of God see us so differently. It scares me how many misconceptions I’ve heard about “the church”. I say scares me, because the very fact people view something God created for His outreach to them has turned them away from Him in such a strong way is scary. It’s amazing, the church has influence yet so much of it has been used to set people even more firmly against them. In saying this, I understand not many people would like to come into a church and hear about tithing, or reaching out to the lost, when they themselves have not much concept of any of these things we view as so vitally important.

There are many reasons people could be turned away, great church trying to follow God’s plan for them or not. I do realize people are all individual, and some will just turn away regardless of the sincerity and open love people have for them. Others will make pre-judgements, or general judgements on “the church” and plently of them will be more than happy to twist church’s outreach statements to make them sound wrong. We can only do what God speaks into our lives – it’s not our responsibility to pressure people into believing the church is a place they should come – God is the one in their heart, we can only plant the seeds. How I think, is more by living our daily lives in a way that reflects our love, our commitment to a higher cause of loving our neighbour, dealing honestly, being open, generous, helping out people in need. People don’t always see the church in a postiive light, but how do they see you?

Hah, I just realized something. I have so many friends who say they hate the church, but knowing I love Jesus, they say I’m a “good sort” and if everyone who went to church was like me, maybe they’d go! Obviously that’s kind of awkward for me, but them saying that actually makes me sad. That me, little imperfect me, is who they’re basing their observations of Christians on. I know when people know you, it’s easy to do that, it’s just a huge thing to hear you’re someone’s “Jesus-example” if you like. God should be the example – not me. I hope it’s God shining out of me, but it’s just hard to know that people are so set against the “church” representation.

This is honestly just a set up to another note that I really wanted to write (the contraversial one?!). I didn’t even plan on writing this now, but it’s happened. Next one will be hopefully following up soon, I’ll see if people take to this one ;) Hah, it’s not going to stop me writing :)

Character and Reputation

I have decided to post some "older" notes that I've previously had on facebook, or perhaps not had anywhere at all. It is just to get the blog up and running, hopefully my note writing will fire up and I'll be bringing you fresh ones!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 at 12:06am

"Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." ~ Abraham Lincoln

I do hope I am interpreting this right - if not, please inform me asap :)

Where lies the differentiation (big word!) between character and reputation? I struggle with this, because I tend to err on the side of not caring enough about what people think, and caring more about what I view as right. This can be useful in many ways - especially for my self esteem - but detrimental when it comes to the way people view me. My example as a believing, "practicing" Christian is something vital to the foundation of my witnessing. I find it difficult to determine what is permissible and what should be avoided. Talking to midnight about God and "deep issues" at a guys house with other people may be perfectly innocent to me, but in other peoples eyes it implies something completely different.

Hey, don't get me wrong here. This is the reason I struggle with this particular issue in such a way. That was an obviously lame example, delibrately. I do not live my life to the expectations and perspectives of other people. I want to live to God's though, hence me wanting to have a good "shadow" of reputation, and yet not wanting to compromise my "tree of character" and have to give up things that reflect badly to other people. I understand some things just need common sense, but others are that much more grey in different circumstances. I cannot help what people think of me, but, can I change how they view me?

I am someone who hates being under peoples expectations and views of and for my life. In saying that, I respect peoples desires for my life at a caring level, but when it becomes a matter of "I desire you to do such and such" and "You're amazing because you did such and such", that honestly bugs me. Most times it has happened, it has been from people I care about and value their opinion. I can see how they mean it in the best possible way, but a part of me wants to turn around and say "Can't you just take me for my character, not what it reflects??" I know that probably contradicts me wanting people to see my character in a way, because obviously what it reflects is not always bad, at least I hope not! I'm probably repeating myself here, and making the same point over and over, I tend to do that when I'm tired or passionately thinking about something.

So, question time - If character really means more than reputation, how do you juggle the both in relation to being an example to what you believe in?

Thanks for reading :)

In the Beginning...

God created chocolate, then He created me and said that it was good!

The title of my blog came to me rather suddenly, though I tried to shake it off due to insufficient interest in my mind.
"Let My Words Be Few" is a well known song that is sung by the likes of Phillips Craig & Dean in the year 2000, and more recently by Matt Redman. The idea originated from that song, it being a paradox of my writing attracted me!

Ecclesiastes 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

I hasten to warn you that my words are rarely defined as "few" by any amount of my friends!! If you desire to sit down and be finished 5 minutes later, go read the Editors comments in the paper.

My thoughts are thus - to write from my heart, to think with my head, and to get inspiration from the creator of both.

I only ask of you this; please open your minds to the words that I share...for they are not my words alone.

=)