A Year Ago Today...

Sunday, March 15, 2009 at 11:47pm

Time.

So very surreal, yet real. Speeds by quickly, slowly strolls past. The pain, ebbs and flows. The tears crack our facade of normalcy. Time does not respect grief. It still passes. The sun still rises and sets. People laugh, people cry. People live, people die. It all goes on, never ending.

My dearest Shalisha, 16, was killed in a car accident a year ago today. Writing those words, hot tears bring no relief to the tightness in my throat, the inability to focus on what I am typing.
I went out to the place where she died today. The tree, the flowers, the friends... Words do not suffice. Death, it brings on emotions I did not think possible.

The year has gone by, yet my heart still aches. My tears still run hot. My days still have gaps from missing her phone calls. Her little messages, so random, so her. A few months go by, I tell myself that I have a life to live. But my heart rebels, and in the middle of the shopping centre, I start bawling my eyes out. Walking down the street, I see something, and my throat gets tight. I hear a song...my heart rises up until it feels like bursting out of my chest. These same things can bring laughter and fond memories on certain occasions. Grief does not respect time, place or situation. It does not hold the door open, nor offer you a seat. It walks in your house, it sits down and eats of your food. It pops up when you least expect. It refuses to be dignified, or polite. You can try and hide grief, but it always finds a way back, even just to peek in, remind you it's still there. Through God, and God alone, can grief be silenced. The comfort of the almighty saviour...only His grace has given me the strength to continue living without breaking apart, at times.

I miss you, my beautiful, encouraging, loving, shining friend ~ Shash. May your laughter fill the streets of heaven, your dancing be free and your heart be fulfilled in the presence of your beloved Jesus

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

I can only imagine what my eyes will see, when your face is before me...

I love you, forever.